Raw

A reader recently asked me to blog about condom use. I’m of two minds on the subject. Out here in the real world, where we’re faced with the constant bombardment of little plaguey diseases with googly eyes (I always picture STD viruses with googly eyes. I’m not sure why. Likely some informative video shown to me in phys ed in middle school fixed the image in my mind – THANKS COACH BETTY!…  but anyway) – out here in the real world, I’m all about safe sex.

And you should be, too. Look at me getting all stern at you, cracking the whip.
You see, your sex partner is a nasty, smutty bastard and they should thank you for just consenting to be naked in the same room with them, much less for allowing them to touch your fun bits.

Using protection should be a no-brainer, especially with all the technological innovation out there. The condom companies are working hard FOR YOU! There is absolutely no reason to expose yourself to all the foul sexually transmitted diseases out there, like HIV, hepatitis, and pregnancy.

Okay, enough of this proselytism. I was of two minds, remember? Out here in the real world, and inside my computer in fantasy pornland, where they give away free alcohol, chocolate doesn’t have any calories, and DISEASES DON’T EXIST. At least that’s how it is in my head.

Yeah, I dig the bareback sex in my porn. Condoms are great and should probably be viewed as an essential piece of twenty-first century foreplay, but who really wants to see that shit when you’re jerking off?